Sunday, 5/17/2020

Sunday, 5/17/2020

Bring On The Haters

Someone once said, "people who hate you normally hate you for one of three reasons. They either see you as a threat. They hate themselves. Or they want to be you."  The discomfort that comes with a person treating you poorly can be overbearing at times, but in these moments we are provided a golden opportunity to not only grow from a mental perspective but also provide ourselves with a challenge to review what they said, to see if any of it holds value. Our friends and family do many wonderful things for us- praise, encourage, help, love, and support, but they also overprotect us at times to prevent discomfort in a truth or reality that we should face if we want to continue to better ourselves.  Here are some tips to consider when dealing with your Anti-Fan Group.

Don't Take it Personally- When dealing with someone who you find is being disrespectful to you, ask yourself "could this criticism hold any value?"  In the American society, we often catch ourselves falling into the "It's not what you said, it's how you said it" group. Much like cars driving on the opposite side of the road in Japan, people's perspectives will not always follow the same direction as yours, but still hold the same amount of value. If you can get past their delivery and review their message, you may find areas you could improve on. A critical point to remember is HOW much authority (power, control) you give to those who criticize you. If you find no truth based on logic and not your feelings (This is really important not to confuse) then smile because you know they must either see you as a threat or subconsciously wish they were you.

Quit The Drama-  Criticism a lot of times is laced with emotion to the point where we find ourselves asking "why someone would be so rude?" Before we ask ourselves "is there any truth to what was said?" Forbes provided a great article on turning negative feedback into positive outcomes and a question they proposed is this: Where am I over personalizing what is being said? We do it with texts, emails, phone calls, and especially with people, we DO NOT like. This doesn't mean we can't learn something from someone who you find to habitually be negative to you. When you come into contact with them, leave your personal feelings out of it, and attempt to extract any valuable information. If you don't, you may find yourself complaining about the situation. This is a slippery slope to becoming a victim of the circumstance. Accept it. Change It. Or Leave it. But don't just complain about it.

Use as Fuel- Hate stems from fear. It is a secondary reaction a person has when they come into contact with something different, change, uncertainty, or opposes their perspective. When attacked by someone else by your beliefs or what you do, remember they may fear just how capable you are versus themselves. Take it as a compliment that you're on the right track for you. Remember to use the fuel in a positive manner. There are plenty of writings and witty memes that talk of taking negative comments and using them to make yourself better only to come back and shove down the person's throat who said it. DON'T! True growth is in recognizing where YOU are, not the recognition of someone who dislikes you. Gustavo Razzetti, author of Incompetent Heart: Why People Love to Hate you states "Hate is in the eye of the giver, not on the receiver." Don't worry about evolving their perspective, just yours!

Having haters isn't a bad thing. It will provide you with feedback that you may never receive from friends and family. Haters help to challenge our ability to think logically versus emotionally. Haters provide confirmation that you are different from them and likely doing what they fear to do or wish they could do. Haters help to find any deficiencies you may have to make a next-level you. So, the next time you're dealing with a hater, remember these thought-provoking words from Kat Williams: 
"Live your damn life and get your hustle on and understand that people are going to hate you regardless of what you do. You got to be grateful, you need haters. What are you complaining about??? What do you think a haters job is??? If there are any haters around who don’t have anybody to hate on, then feel free to hate on me."

More Information
https://liberationist.org/the-incompetent-heart-why-people-love-to-hate-you/ 
https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2018/09/16/use-criticism-to-succeed-faster/#bdf0490518c1 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you 

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